Sunday, May 24, 2009

Faith by music... again...

So this month has been a 'gigtastic' month as it has been named...

I will blog picture, reviews and indeed who i have seen once i have uploaded all the photos etc...

but for now... here are my reflections...

this is were i need to confess... only when you get to the only side you quite realise what was happening...

my faith has and is and i am sure will be a massive part of my life...

however due to somethings happening i have been suffering a lot with feeling rubbish and generally and at a cost, my faith took a battering...

faith_rm

i am slowly rebuilding myself, not by myself... this brick by brick remold is God's work...

But i cant help but laugh at quite what happened...

each time i actively engage with anything i try to ask God from him to reveal something within what is happening... and it works, countless times i have met with God.

(please note that this is MY experience and is based upon my faith, while i recognise i can leave myself wide open for your views and if you think they is or isnt a God/god. for me there is... that is where faith comes in. you cant disprove faith. im not claiming to have anything sorted or to even tell you what to believe, but i want to share my experience for anyone to read and reflect the impacts upon their own life. this blog is called 'walk with me' for that simple reason, i dont ask you to fight, chase or even agree, but just to simple walk and i will happily listen to my company as you listen and engage with me)

in my anger i often find my tears. a frustrating part of my life, i cry at most things... ask anyone one who knows me well to know this.

most of the times i can hide in the mask (we all have) and carry on with life. life on your own gives you chance to think about these things- and lately i just havent had a chance to ignore things....

i have blogged many a time on how words stir me, they give me something to own . im not someone who writes easily, someone who can create great sentence structure (as you can tell)... but i do find the beauty in listening to others... and no more so than in lyrics.

and this is where the laughing comes back...

in one night, one song highlighted massive issue and another saved me from it....

i have been wondering around (in my head) like a little lost lamb unsure what to do with how i was feeling or how to act/react to what was going wrong, something no one knew about...

then, during a karaoke session with the usual suspects in my life i found myself asking 'im i losing my faith' REM was the song that made we question this oh so much... rem-lmr

yes i know this is a stereotype so i will not hold onto that... but i found myself really asking, have i lost it all? have i lost the one thing i thought i had held steadfast. and furthermore what do i do? who do i speak to?!

then an hour later i see my friend singing, another friend holding onto me and i realise that no matter what i am doing, no matter who i think i have become or how much a fear things.... i am not alone. when the words....

'ill stand by you'

were uttered into my ear and deep into my soul.

yes, i found my faith again in girls aloud... a disappointing but true fact. ga

and now i seek His face once again in the everyday, in the normal, in the voice of others and in His word...

its not always easy, but even with your eyes closed you cant stop who is standing next to you....

x

Listening to: Mr Hudson: Picture of you.

 

 

Addition:

while i have struggled with my faith, i dont doubt God. it is this that allows me to continue to live, work and do everything else in my life.... God is a constant... not me. the better way round.

i really do believe it is within the doubt we really see more of God...