Who do i want to be…

Today i was asked a question that has made me think once again about who i am and who i want to be…

As a woman i think its in built to always think about who i am… to ponder about my self esteem and if it is in line with reality.

I am unsure if this is a good dynamic of a personality, but one i have and one i know many other women have.

But this leads me to what happened earlier…

Someone asked if i could do something… or at least think about the possibility of doing something… This isn’t the place to explore the answer to that question, i am sure there will be time on that one later.

but for now the surprise, the why i was asked… i was given this description: female, passionate, heart to see women become superb and willing to see the kingdom built.

these were things suggested that i have displayed…

i see these things in me and i freely admit that i wish to have more of this,(apart from the female thing as i am already pretty good at that factor) but i don't think i have ever had anyone tell me that they at least seek cracks of these light from me.

this isn't to say i have such a low self value that i fail to see anything others or even God sees in me, but that i just never saw or believed it before (yes there is a difference in those two statements of observation!)  Its like walking past a picture on a wall you have walked past for months, you saw it once, maybe even looked at it a few times, but after a while it just becomes the wall and you no longer recognise it for the value or beauty it has.

at times in my life i see myself as others see me… most of the time this is a distorted and twisted view that has been corrupted by my own second guessing. but sometimes, just a few times i get a sneaky peek and what they really see and i am surprised.

So what do i take from this?

i realise from my understanding of individual and spiritual development we need to recognise who we are in how we are mirrored in the relationships we are placed in. (How we see ourselves through other’s eyes).

This then means i need to work on my development of seeing what others see, not allowing my own template to dictate or to allow judgement on either side to lead. But to realise the value the other has.

and of course what God sees… 

x

Listening to: By the time by Mika

I’m back!

Miss me?!

Probably  not in all honesty… i recognise that most these blogs are flung into the big wide space that is the internet and very few cast a look over them… But i don’t write to gain readers or even to ask for others understanding.

I write as at times i have plenty to say and no way of saying it… and so here are my words in a vain hope to be active in some form of moving on or developing my own thought.

Write a diary you may suggest… but i must have taken my fair share of trees in the amount of blank books i’ve started and then failed to fill… I just need a simple outlet with no restrictions to hand ache or spelling.

I guess there is a small part that hopes someone reads this at some point, again for not validation but just that what i write here is what i would say to someone who was sat next to me and willing to engage into a conversation to whatever my wander little mind has goes…

My life style, work and social are fair mixed which leaves me alone for a lot of odd times, i don’t mind but conversation is lacking at times. My exploration of me, the world, faith, youth work, media and many other topics then get a little crowded in my head to the point scrambling them down for others to stumble upon them makes sense.

So, after a break off I am back to witter on on many things happening…

Thanks for reading if you have gotten thing far!

x

Listening to: Mint Royal- Blue

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