Why...

... is it that when its dark the light hurts?
... is there comfort in the darkness?
... do we have the expression... 'dig yourself out'?

Shut down mode....
again

x

I have learnt something new about me... again

So its been a heavy week... Oxford, meetings lectures and writing... all the craziness that is my life at the moment...

But its how i have acted and reacted that i have learnt something new about myself... 

I know i tend to paint my world as i see it and then expect it all to be the same.... and i have realised i do this with my friendships... But thats not to say i expect the person to stay the same, or that i want out friendship to remain static. But that how i have that friendship maybe changes and i just wasnt not aware that it was... and so i react and i dont like it.

Being the kind of person i am have i a few people in my life that i lean on and ask of them to help me keep my sanity... its that relation that has made me realise that i dont know how to change with the flow of life when the role is shifted... How to i learn to help the people of my life i lean on?

I dont think any of my relationships are one sided... but i need to learn how to help when my 'help' resources need it? How do i stop getting annoyed at the changes, and just be there? How do i stop the level of expectancy?

How do i make a balance happen?

Where do i find out how to help... when i cant help?!

I need to learn to look out more...

So here is my public apology... to one of of the closest friends of my life, i am sorry i can be a crapo friend... i will try harder lol and i love you!

x

LISTENING TO- Highness by Envy and other sins