Can't we talk?

In my last blog I put up Mr Hudson's latest single 'White Lies' with the challenge to myself to think on it...

I don't want to look at the writer or to say I have a difinitive answer from these lyrics... But just to look at the challenge that if I lay claim to sing along and use these words myself- what am I saying?

For we there are two elements which come from this song...

Is it ever justified to lie?

And

Are we doing the right thing when we change our behaviour to better a relationship?

I could write hundreds of words exploring the rights and wrongs of answers to these questions- but I'm not to voice of reason for anyone else but me.

So for one of the few times i'm not going to say much more... But to leave those questions hanging in the air as the song continues to play in your ears...

X

Watching: Hancock on DVD (not bad do far)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

White Lies from Mr Hudson Video...

With my love of music and lyrics i often have the conversation in my head...
what does it mean?
what does it mean to sing it?

This isnt ever for one song... but with a new single i thought i'd ask again of Mr [Ben] Hudson's song White Lies and ask a few questions... here is the video... i will blog later on where ive gotten to on my wonderings...

Mr Hudson - White Lies from MrHudson on Vimeo.

x

I don't need your responce...

I've found myself at that point again when I just have to question what's going on and how I can once more dig out of the hole I have seemed to put myself into...

I don't want a responce, I can't make that any clearer: I just simply need to get out what's happening in my head in a constuctive form. I don't need anyone to ask me about this nor do I want to talk about it, I will talk to the friends I need when I am able to conjure the words without choking...

I've been thrown into thinking about loneiness once more... Yes I am single, and yes I am happy to wait: as long as I do get a happy ending my heart us settled with.

But with this comes the loneiness, the loneiness I realise I've had follow me like a gray cloud all my life. The loneiness that has lead me into stupid and difficult emotional situations I care never to repeat.

The loneiness that at times crates bitterness and anger, jealousy and fustration.

I know this isn't me and yet it consumes me...

I want it all to stop and I know the answer doesn't simply lie with another person, it's bigger than that. It would be a false to place the responsiblity onto a person and expect them to be perfect and able to carry my load...

I know I can't simply seek to replace one problem with another, just putting a plaster over a gapeing wound doesnt make it any better...

So how do I get to this point of ok-ness... The realisation that the balance in a relationship can now be entered?

When does the loneiness go without the burden or pressure?

X

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

I like smiling me...

Yes, as the title says... I like to smile.

I like the effect on myself and the person I send the flash of teeth to, be it a stranger, a shop assisstant, a close friend or someone in the next car.

I don't smile to gain reward, just to spead happiness and a mini bit of love-the glimpes if God's love I hope.

But these smiles seem to be getting me into trouble. And not, I add quickly, the flirty guy trouble you might think!

This trouble seems to be the betrayal of how I am really feeling, my smiles have become a mask: one I never intended. Yes, at times my smiles have been a coping thing. But it seems everyone reads them at 'face value'.

My issue is how am I really feeling?! Which is the honest answer? Is there a mask or am I ok?

It's not that I don't know how I am feeling, it's just my reaction to the fact not many other people seem to know.

Right now my personal life is pretty rubbish, but I have to take it in my stride, or I know it would tip my over the edge if sanity (thus the smiles etc). But this has lead to many people in my life thinking I'm fine, when at times I'm really not...

So how do I express/share/show what's going on without the outbrust or sudden death tears?! My smiles aren't a cover: but I know they now build a wall of fakery I never intented... When I smile I do mean it- but how do I smile along WITH the sadness in my heart, for the death I know is coming soon to my family?

X

Listening to: muse, the resistance.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]