Monday, February 14, 2011

How to learn a lesson in 5 quick minutes...

'Oh dear'

This is my current state of mind as I lay on my bed reflecting on the day that just was...

The oh dear moment comes from turning around from a very sorry state of affairs mostly grounded in sulking and self pity to recognising that things are ok, that love rules no matter what sort and that just because things are how I 'want' them it doesn't make the now any less valuable.

Yes this is indeed another 'single girl writes about the valentines day blues' blog. But I hope that by getting to the end I don't fall into the repetitive trap of selfishness.

Two weeks ago my little sister Em reminded me our tradition of being loving and generous to each other on valentines day.

(right here and now I need to publicly apologise to her for sulking over this years valentines and not really wanting to enter into the spirit we normally take of friendship and jollity)

But with my feet dragging I agreed to send a card... With my rule, tacky as possible. It was my hope that I'll see the lighter side and not dwell on my normal mode of singleness.

Sure enough the flump sound of post was heard this morning and when I got downstairs sure enough my card of love waited me. Emma is a beautiful friend and I'm forever proud of her. Her card was lovely and very typically us. (Thank you em).

I'm a romantic at heart... I love love, to hear of others love for a partner melts my heart. And each valentines I try so hard to be happy for those who celebrate their romance. I normally do just fine in this challenge, but this year, today, I've struggled.

To the point I've been home alone (nothing new) sulking, over eating and wishing the day away for most of the evening. The tricky balance of being annoyed at the days theme and then being annoyed at being unjustifiably annoyed.

And I saw and sort after no way of getting out of this mode until I read a friend's blog. Keith is a wonderful guy, he has a great depth of knowledge he doesn't recognise most of the time. But he sprinkles my twitter feed with his faith, life and thoughts most days. For which I am thankful for.

He blogged that value of love, the requirement of valentines desire for mushy teddy bears and red hearts is far from what we need or even desire if we are honest. The love in friendship is so important...

Keith's twitter to blog link

So in 5 minutes, holding my phone with a blog post open and my card in the other hand I see what a fool I've been. Yes I do indeed have a heavy heart about wanting things to be different. But this selfish sulk stops me truly loving what I have.

I know that the chance of my never falling into this trap again is very very small, but I can pray and hope that I will not self indulge for too long, not consume so much food and that I do not stop seeing the love that surrounds me for too long.

I thank God for Emma and I thank God for Keith.

And ok maybe at some point I'll thank Him for Valentines...

X

Listening to: Chocolate by Snow Patrol (live at the apple store).