Why i should check my twitter feed more...

Well my whole life has changed... from Town to City, from Business to Calm and from suitcases to a flat...

I have been massively blessed in all i have experienced in the last 3 months...

However my social networking has slid into the sidelines... oh no! (please note my sarcasm!)

But I haven't been as regular reader of my Twitter feed as i used to be... apart from missing the news of celebrity deaths i also missed a great opportunity to get creative.

an old friend @noahsapprentice has been asking for images for a #gb11 (Greenbelt 2011) and #iMass on the theme for the weekend 'dreams of home'...

Sadly I've missed this request until now and today is the last day in buildings before i get down to the site to set up and as steward there...

So here is my small effort with this picture...

Your help please...

ok... this is the current plan of action...

start to move out of my home at the start of June... not a bad plan, but thee are a few hitches. I don't have a home to move into rather just bunking down with friends who have spare beds. I also need to keep working... life continues

so... with stress levels reaching melting point with far too much on my plate I look to my social networking skills to see what you can suggest I need to remember not to put into storage.

clearly I need clothes... but it's the silly things like work stuff and everyday use that you take for granted I want to avoid missing...

so... comment, tweet, text, emaill and message your suggestions please!

look forward to hearing what you can come up with!

thank you

x

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

I need to be honest...

This past week I feel like my heart has been broken over and over...

Over bad news in letters
Over empty emails
Over text
Over silence

What grieves me the most is that all these 'heart breaking' things are all within my own world... not anyone else's.

How I have grown to feel after a series of knock backs and rejects in this last week has created a self-centred person. I dislike who it's creates in me.

I simply write this it find accountability to myself in a public declaration.

I'm hurt, alone, and frustrated.

I don't know if I have the answers, but I trust they will be given to me when I need them

x

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Totally struggling to know what to say...

But I know I need to do something productive...
But this productive streak is simply avoidance. It requires me to be patient, it needs me to wait and it drives me to want to be a little crazy...

What I find hardest is not really sharing what is happening. I have nothing to hide, but what is going on right is part of my private life.

And so my ramble starts to take shape...

I'm starting to look for a new job... This by itself is a little scary, but I'm not worried about that... But it has highlighted something about what I want to address as I leave one chapter of my life and start another.

The difference between my personal and private life...

As a single woman with very little family work takes over... I hope this is a normal thing, but even more so when your job is your calling. But this comes at a cost, my status as a single woman with very little family does not change.

And so while I have a pretty much blank sheet for my new start... I do want to find a between balance... I want to say 'I want a life'. But that makes it sound like I don't like what I have now... I do, I'm thankful for all I do, have experienced and learnt.

But how do I DO that?!

If I am called to serve somewhere then the balance of my personal and professional life be dictated by that calling... And there is my answer... If I am CALLED then the balance will be there, this is were faith comes in... And the stakes raise in the worry factor, which becomes a silly cycle of frustration, control, recognition and obedience.

So... My journey continues and I pray my faith grows along with it.

And I hit enter on a blog entry that has provided with a distractions from something little bit more removed from what I have rambled on about for a few moments...

x

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Something to chew over...

it's interesting... there has been some concern over something that seems to affirm my faith.
Derren Brown's miracles for sale was on the tv a few evenings ago... in summary he highlighted the damaging, controlling and fraudulent actions of people who say they can heal in the name of God.

There are two things that seem to be
going on...

How Derren went about proving the fraud

and

The fact that these actions of fraud could have created an avenue for people to have a faith in God... of course when you invest in something that then is revealed as a fake then it's
only logical the faith could be destroyed.

From my point of view all the TV program showed me was that when God heals, performs miracles, it's Him. Not the hype, not a person shouting, waving their hands or doing anything else. It's God.

I have been in healing services and heard from street teams healing on the go and I can honestly say hand of heart and faith rooted deep that these are NOT part of the same wave of fraud and manipulation that has been happening over the sea in America.

I need to declare that I believe I have been healed. It was from this experience that I can honestly say, know and understand from both side of the believe and unbelievingly side of the fence.

I admit, before last summer I have heard of healings but had a level of scepticism.
My witness of healing services are nothing like the ones we saw on TV with Derren. The impact upon simply asking God to come and not demand is one of grace and amazement. Witnessing the call of recognising a healing is no person in the room but God is an honour. But biggest of all, feeling the difference of God's power on me physically without the hype... the shouting, demands and trickery of mind suggestion.

These all lead me to see that the Derren show calls us into action and recognition that we are not God, but we are his people...

There is a call to see that to follow God is not a place of self worship, praise or gain.

There is a call to see that our place is to simply come and trust in our loving God.

There is a call to see that anyone who is abusing God's name, taking advantage of the sick and creating opportunities for selfish gain and take a stand, to put right the injustice... TO TURN OVER THE TABLES OF THE MONEY CHANGERS IN THE TEMPLE.

Derren's TV show has shown one modern day abuse of Gods temple... and now we should help others to see it's a humans fault and not God's.

Once again God can heal and man can destroy...

x

listening to: Joubert Singers- stand on the word.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Honestly…

I’ve been quiet on here because there are many things happening I can’t quite make public, some have been great and exciting while others not so great and just plain difficult…

And while i am still unable to share the many things happening with the world wide web i can give you my reflections i have had as a consequence.

 

What i am thinking more and more on is honesty.

 

A principle i hold so close to my heart. Ironically i can not be honest on here as there are elements in my life that needs to remain quiet for now! But I plague myself quite a lot if i feel i haven't been honest enough, what i mean i guess if i have held something back when i should have said it… But then on the other hand i also am careful with what i do say so not to offend or to put out an other.

Today someone made me cry because they were honest. They told me something i didn't want to hear and it upset me. It wasn’t a criticism and they were not being rude to me. They needed to be straight about a situation and as a result it hurt me.

I value their honesty, i would have hated to be lied to in that situation… but it hurts.

The truth hurts… but we can not and should not shy away from it…

There are whole dynamics in our lives that we choose to fight to remain separate or secret. There is information we know on others that we shouldn’t. There are parts of us we hold no accountability to others for.

But when should the truth be told? Even if it comes at a cost?

The hurt from today’s conversation will pass and by Thursday i will be fine… but right here right now… the sucker punch hurts, a lot. Its never easy to be the person to hear difficult truth, but also to give it would seem.

To know you will hurt someone is hard. Something we would all shy away from I would hope. But then there is a cost of cover up, deceit and just plain lies.

The cost of honesty, truth seeking and listening to what you are being told as well as what you are saying is massive. Something that needs to be built, maybe we would be so fearful if we knew it was how everyone else sort to behave?

The film ‘The Invention of Lying’ shows a picture of everyone being massively rude and horribly blunt because they aren’t lying. I’m not sure a world with honesty would be that harsh… but may our yes be yes and our no be no.

x

Listening to Muse: knights of cydonia

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

How to learn a lesson in 5 quick minutes...

'Oh dear'

This is my current state of mind as I lay on my bed reflecting on the day that just was...

The oh dear moment comes from turning around from a very sorry state of affairs mostly grounded in sulking and self pity to recognising that things are ok, that love rules no matter what sort and that just because things are how I 'want' them it doesn't make the now any less valuable.

Yes this is indeed another 'single girl writes about the valentines day blues' blog. But I hope that by getting to the end I don't fall into the repetitive trap of selfishness.

Two weeks ago my little sister Em reminded me our tradition of being loving and generous to each other on valentines day.

(right here and now I need to publicly apologise to her for sulking over this years valentines and not really wanting to enter into the spirit we normally take of friendship and jollity)

But with my feet dragging I agreed to send a card... With my rule, tacky as possible. It was my hope that I'll see the lighter side and not dwell on my normal mode of singleness.

Sure enough the flump sound of post was heard this morning and when I got downstairs sure enough my card of love waited me. Emma is a beautiful friend and I'm forever proud of her. Her card was lovely and very typically us. (Thank you em).

I'm a romantic at heart... I love love, to hear of others love for a partner melts my heart. And each valentines I try so hard to be happy for those who celebrate their romance. I normally do just fine in this challenge, but this year, today, I've struggled.

To the point I've been home alone (nothing new) sulking, over eating and wishing the day away for most of the evening. The tricky balance of being annoyed at the days theme and then being annoyed at being unjustifiably annoyed.

And I saw and sort after no way of getting out of this mode until I read a friend's blog. Keith is a wonderful guy, he has a great depth of knowledge he doesn't recognise most of the time. But he sprinkles my twitter feed with his faith, life and thoughts most days. For which I am thankful for.

He blogged that value of love, the requirement of valentines desire for mushy teddy bears and red hearts is far from what we need or even desire if we are honest. The love in friendship is so important...

Keith's twitter to blog link

So in 5 minutes, holding my phone with a blog post open and my card in the other hand I see what a fool I've been. Yes I do indeed have a heavy heart about wanting things to be different. But this selfish sulk stops me truly loving what I have.

I know that the chance of my never falling into this trap again is very very small, but I can pray and hope that I will not self indulge for too long, not consume so much food and that I do not stop seeing the love that surrounds me for too long.

I thank God for Emma and I thank God for Keith.

And ok maybe at some point I'll thank Him for Valentines...

X

Listening to: Chocolate by Snow Patrol (live at the apple store).

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]