This isn't really what I want to talk about...

SO I used a blog a lot...
I used to tweet a lot more...
I used to share a lot more photos...

Things have changed.

My life is now shared with someone else through marriage. Sharing my world is now our world. That, and realising how annoyed I was getting from other's over-sharing has meant I do a lot less- at least internet wise.

I don't think the world of social media and being ingrained into our lives has finished taking root yet. It is still evolving, technology, culture and generations are still growing into it. I do think things will change, develop and become norm- but from my perspective we are still playing on the surface and the reality of what we are doing, the effects and the aftermath isn't seen yet.

What I keep coming back to is the 'why?'

Why do I want to share *this*?
Why do I feel a need to share *that*?
Why is it important the whole world (yes the world!) should see/know *this*?

Lets face it, singledom is pretty lonely at times, lone youth worker is lonely at times and being an only child is lonely at times. Blogging became a way of writing out what was in my head. It was more that wanting to write a diary- that is personal and no one tends to read that. A blog had a chance for others to read, even that was a comfort. So I'd blog for the chance of dialog.

I have a fine line between extrovert and introvert in me- I like the right kind of attention but I need my time out too. Blogging was a form of attention. I could witter on and stare at the stats in a hope someone would click and read.

So why am I back? Or at least why am I going on and on, on here one more time?!

Quite a while ago I told myself to not but leading or mysterious tweets or updates, no teases for attention or outbursts of personal life that I shouldn't share with everyone. But today I broke that rule, its been years in fact since I've been vague online and it lead me back to here.

It was a need to explain myself in hidden meanings, subtext and nothingness rather than either talking about it to my husband or friends is silly, meaningless and actually less helpful that I'd like to think.

My tweet:
…totally had a revelation! #duh!

It about two friendships that have changed massively over the last 10 years and I struggle to make sense of what has happened. The revelation is that they have changed and become who they are today: YAY. But that isn't with me or their old life: BOO.

I am not going to go into their life, our friendship or even any further than I already have. This blog isn't really about them, or that. Its about the fact we have a drive in the world wide web to seek our 15 mins of fame. Our life and culture has made it even more possible to try and carve out that public back patting, applause.

The cost is over sharing, showing people they don't need to even want to know more and more about oneself. Even fame within our friendship group can be a drive that isn't healthy. Facebook has created a strange new friendship- friends who would be long gone, ones whose chapter with us is well and truly closed but now they are still there, we are still in each others lives (if you use Facebook regularly that is!). We now put up photos, comments, likes and updates so the fame we have with the 50 people who will see it scales up.

But none of use have the right to fame, what we want is validation. Proof we are 'okay', loved and worthy of the life we have. What we need is to get these from people who matter, not strangers. The family and friends who will be honest and tell us when we are amazing and will show us when we aren't- but then help us out of the hole rather than point laugh and remove any chance of getting out of it.

I want to come back to blogging but I don't want to feed the wrong stuff. We all have an ego after all!

In true exploratory writing style I've no doubt gone on and one with no real clue, proof or conclusion. To do so would mean I have it all sorted, HA!

One thing I will do though... talk to someone else about this- start a real life dialog, wait and LISTEN to a reply and explore the answer together, privately.

:D x

I have my independence... now...

I had a meeting this morning with my fantastic line manager. We are always so productive in our meetings but its not without personality or the highs and lows of emotion (mostly mine i'll admit). We have a fine balance and i look forward to our weekly catch ups.

This week we had a longer catch up than normal, mostly as there were a few extra things to be done. Not always bad as we did get to a cafe today for my diet coke top up.

One topic of conversation was the expression from some parents within the church i work for of how their teen wasn't happy on a Sunday morning, in fact getting them to church was a task of difficulty.

It is hard as a youth worker not to take it personally, or at least its hard for me until I have actually made myself look at the facts and stare at the whys of the situation that i realise its (hopefully) unlikely to be a personal dislike. It is a relational role, this are personal!

But in the cold hard light of reality, reflection and good conversation things are clearer.

I know that church is an institution that has created many battles issues and pain both on a national scale and also right in the hearts of individuals. But i still believe its the future. This doesn't make things any easier as a 12 year old growing up within a culture that seems to have no place for faith, community or the awareness of others. (yes i AM making sweeping statements that need to be tidied up and explained but thats not for now and i mean no harm to anyone in or out of the Christian faith)

I am a massive fan of understanding the development of the person from childhood to teenage to adulthood. Nothing is more exciting for a parent of a baby to watch it take their first steps or talk clearly. For me its the same with teenagers.

The honour of watching them grow into independence, to develop their own world understanding and start to see (and question) who they are and define the 'me' rather than the family identity they have had (and will have to a lesser degree).

But how hard is that when you still have your parents telling you you must attend a group that at this moment in time you just don't like or agree with.

I believe church is an important and valued part of life- a place to explore meaning, to understand the world around us and to seek love in the purest form.

But as a teenager you want to start making claims for independence. You want to be able to choose what you engage with. And i complete agree with this. Its hard for parents, the role you had for the last 11/12 years is now changing and id guess most aren't ready for that. (Can you ever be prepared to allow the person you have cared for, loved and kepis safe wander a little further away than you are used to?!)

The drive then for a parent to share their faith, want their child to grow into a balanced adult and desire for the best of is a powerful one. One that then clashes with the teenage drive for being, thinking and choosing to do things differently- in essence rebel.

What i have been reflecting on is even if a youth person wants to know more of the Christian faith, wants to continue to seek to know more of church community they fact their parents 'make' them go is likely to be a negative.

I haven't a clue how you change this- in fact i don't think you can or even should. We all remember those moments when we felt we were, for the first time, ourselves and not just a child anymore... it normally came with a plea of rebellious.

I guess my role then is to listen. To offer the opportunity to say what is wrong, why their parents are wrong and explore what we can do even if they don't want to be somewhere.

After all, isn't the best party the one you didn't want to go to but end up having a fantastic and unexpected time and staying to the end?

Time to get back to planning...

x

I'm not going to promise but...

The face of someone who thinks she wants to return

I am back! Again...

Part of my new(ish) job is to help in a songwriting group. I admit this isn't my core skills or even remotely at my finger tips but it's fun and an honour to be a part of it all the same.

Last week we had the challenge of starting new songs. We've been working on covers for a while now.

I dawned on me I haven't a clue how I would start writing a song, so we explored this together. The youth are amazing and honest with what they thing. I tried to inspire with a mind map, no clue it it helped, we'll see with that one.

But it got me pondering about my blogging. The only words based creative outlet I have or at least did have. I haven't really blogged for well over a year... but I realised as we were looking at the different possible topics of inspiration for song writing how I wanted to join in. Not necessaryly songs, but to write a reaction to 'something'

So, I am back again but I'm not going to make promises I'll be blogging daily, weekly or even monthly. But I'm going to give it a go, come back to this form of engagement and see how far I get!

life is a journey, walk with me for a while!

x

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Why i should check my twitter feed more...

Well my whole life has changed... from Town to City, from Business to Calm and from suitcases to a flat...

I have been massively blessed in all i have experienced in the last 3 months...

However my social networking has slid into the sidelines... oh no! (please note my sarcasm!)

But I haven't been as regular reader of my Twitter feed as i used to be... apart from missing the news of celebrity deaths i also missed a great opportunity to get creative.

an old friend @noahsapprentice has been asking for images for a #gb11 (Greenbelt 2011) and #iMass on the theme for the weekend 'dreams of home'...

Sadly I've missed this request until now and today is the last day in buildings before i get down to the site to set up and as steward there...

So here is my small effort with this picture...

Your help please...

ok... this is the current plan of action...

start to move out of my home at the start of June... not a bad plan, but thee are a few hitches. I don't have a home to move into rather just bunking down with friends who have spare beds. I also need to keep working... life continues

so... with stress levels reaching melting point with far too much on my plate I look to my social networking skills to see what you can suggest I need to remember not to put into storage.

clearly I need clothes... but it's the silly things like work stuff and everyday use that you take for granted I want to avoid missing...

so... comment, tweet, text, emaill and message your suggestions please!

look forward to hearing what you can come up with!

thank you

x

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]