This isn't really what I want to talk about...

SO I used a blog a lot...
I used to tweet a lot more...
I used to share a lot more photos...

Things have changed.

My life is now shared with someone else through marriage. Sharing my world is now our world. That, and realising how annoyed I was getting from other's over-sharing has meant I do a lot less- at least internet wise.

I don't think the world of social media and being ingrained into our lives has finished taking root yet. It is still evolving, technology, culture and generations are still growing into it. I do think things will change, develop and become norm- but from my perspective we are still playing on the surface and the reality of what we are doing, the effects and the aftermath isn't seen yet.

What I keep coming back to is the 'why?'

Why do I want to share *this*?
Why do I feel a need to share *that*?
Why is it important the whole world (yes the world!) should see/know *this*?

Lets face it, singledom is pretty lonely at times, lone youth worker is lonely at times and being an only child is lonely at times. Blogging became a way of writing out what was in my head. It was more that wanting to write a diary- that is personal and no one tends to read that. A blog had a chance for others to read, even that was a comfort. So I'd blog for the chance of dialog.

I have a fine line between extrovert and introvert in me- I like the right kind of attention but I need my time out too. Blogging was a form of attention. I could witter on and stare at the stats in a hope someone would click and read.

So why am I back? Or at least why am I going on and on, on here one more time?!

Quite a while ago I told myself to not but leading or mysterious tweets or updates, no teases for attention or outbursts of personal life that I shouldn't share with everyone. But today I broke that rule, its been years in fact since I've been vague online and it lead me back to here.

It was a need to explain myself in hidden meanings, subtext and nothingness rather than either talking about it to my husband or friends is silly, meaningless and actually less helpful that I'd like to think.

My tweet:
…totally had a revelation! #duh!

It about two friendships that have changed massively over the last 10 years and I struggle to make sense of what has happened. The revelation is that they have changed and become who they are today: YAY. But that isn't with me or their old life: BOO.

I am not going to go into their life, our friendship or even any further than I already have. This blog isn't really about them, or that. Its about the fact we have a drive in the world wide web to seek our 15 mins of fame. Our life and culture has made it even more possible to try and carve out that public back patting, applause.

The cost is over sharing, showing people they don't need to even want to know more and more about oneself. Even fame within our friendship group can be a drive that isn't healthy. Facebook has created a strange new friendship- friends who would be long gone, ones whose chapter with us is well and truly closed but now they are still there, we are still in each others lives (if you use Facebook regularly that is!). We now put up photos, comments, likes and updates so the fame we have with the 50 people who will see it scales up.

But none of use have the right to fame, what we want is validation. Proof we are 'okay', loved and worthy of the life we have. What we need is to get these from people who matter, not strangers. The family and friends who will be honest and tell us when we are amazing and will show us when we aren't- but then help us out of the hole rather than point laugh and remove any chance of getting out of it.

I want to come back to blogging but I don't want to feed the wrong stuff. We all have an ego after all!

In true exploratory writing style I've no doubt gone on and one with no real clue, proof or conclusion. To do so would mean I have it all sorted, HA!

One thing I will do though... talk to someone else about this- start a real life dialog, wait and LISTEN to a reply and explore the answer together, privately.

:D x