Norman...

struggling to sleep do blog it is!

walking home from a meeting I had a text from the mum to say Norman Wisdom had died.

very sad, but at 95 years it's not the most unexpected thing to happen. but no matter the age it's still hard, and you'll always miss them.

however Normans passing has lead me down a path of thinking I was hoping to avoid sharing, but I want to... more of a process than a make do thing.

it was the first anniversary of my dads death 4 days ago. apart from a brief meeting in the morning I spent most of the day just relaxing and watching some tv. I just wanted to 'be' and with very little choice as many others were busy. (but a massive heart felt love to those who brought me comfort during the day!)

with Norman dying today I can't help but reflect on what it means to lose someone so pivotal in your life... no matter how long your relationship is, how good or bad it is or even if there is no relationship... the loss of a father is one that holds so much.

a dads role differs from a mothers (both equally important) but holds so much responsibly for who you are, how you see the world and indeed how the world sees you.

it's stuck me tonight that no matter if your father lives to be 100 and you get to 75 before you are divided or if you never even meet them, the hold they leave can never be replaced.

so I write this reminding myself not to expect to fill that gap with another father figure, but also not to simple wish to step over it all and forget the hole that's left. but to respect the man he was and who he created in me. to allow the void to heal and to carry the wound with pride and remembrance...

we should all allow the fact our parents will die to be part of our life no matter when it happens to be a part of our life... there is a place to greave, celebrate and to grow on...

I miss him tremendously, and that will never go, but this doesn't stop me continuing to be his daughter is the life today and tomorrow...

x

listening to: foy vance, be with me.

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