Who is my neighbour?…

We have been in our house for 3 months now… kinda scary how the time just fades away, but our time here is going very well, this is home…

last weekend i needed to mow the lawn, but i really didn’t feel like making much of an effort with how i looked, i knew i was in tidy mode and likely to get a sweat on as well as a little messy. So on with the joggers, old t-shirt and on with the household jobs.

As i was fighting with the lawn mower in the front garden i saw one of my neighbours walk past, he slowed now and so, being a polite lady i stopped the machine and walked a little close to him to say hi…

our conversation wasn’t particularity deep,  mostly about university, study and holidays… but it was nice to have a little chat.

after he left i realised just how rough i was looking… hair pulled back and looking massively greasy, no make up and rocking the tired look oh so well, just to top that i had the red shiny glow of an unfit person actually working…

While i was cringing inside of the mess he must have witnessed i pondered upon just how he didn’t react, this being said i doubt many would point out the grossness of my Saturday afternoon look, but he gave no concern at all… was nice to not feel judged…

Then i realised this is what it means to be a turn neighbour- not one that ignores how rough someone looks, but now i was totally honest in how i looked- being a neighbour holds that total honesty.

now of course by neighbour i do not mean the street you live in, but the friends, people and world around…

to be a good neighbour is to have a the mask removed and to be genuinely honest with all who you engage with.

Easier said than done at times i know, but one that makes the world so much better never the less…

x

Listening to: Daniel Beddingfield- he dont live you like i love you

Who do i want to be…

Today i was asked a question that has made me think once again about who i am and who i want to be…

As a woman i think its in built to always think about who i am… to ponder about my self esteem and if it is in line with reality.

I am unsure if this is a good dynamic of a personality, but one i have and one i know many other women have.

But this leads me to what happened earlier…

Someone asked if i could do something… or at least think about the possibility of doing something… This isn’t the place to explore the answer to that question, i am sure there will be time on that one later.

but for now the surprise, the why i was asked… i was given this description: female, passionate, heart to see women become superb and willing to see the kingdom built.

these were things suggested that i have displayed…

i see these things in me and i freely admit that i wish to have more of this,(apart from the female thing as i am already pretty good at that factor) but i don't think i have ever had anyone tell me that they at least seek cracks of these light from me.

this isn't to say i have such a low self value that i fail to see anything others or even God sees in me, but that i just never saw or believed it before (yes there is a difference in those two statements of observation!)  Its like walking past a picture on a wall you have walked past for months, you saw it once, maybe even looked at it a few times, but after a while it just becomes the wall and you no longer recognise it for the value or beauty it has.

at times in my life i see myself as others see me… most of the time this is a distorted and twisted view that has been corrupted by my own second guessing. but sometimes, just a few times i get a sneaky peek and what they really see and i am surprised.

So what do i take from this?

i realise from my understanding of individual and spiritual development we need to recognise who we are in how we are mirrored in the relationships we are placed in. (How we see ourselves through other’s eyes).

This then means i need to work on my development of seeing what others see, not allowing my own template to dictate or to allow judgement on either side to lead. But to realise the value the other has.

and of course what God sees… 

x

Listening to: By the time by Mika

I’m back!

Miss me?!

Probably  not in all honesty… i recognise that most these blogs are flung into the big wide space that is the internet and very few cast a look over them… But i don’t write to gain readers or even to ask for others understanding.

I write as at times i have plenty to say and no way of saying it… and so here are my words in a vain hope to be active in some form of moving on or developing my own thought.

Write a diary you may suggest… but i must have taken my fair share of trees in the amount of blank books i’ve started and then failed to fill… I just need a simple outlet with no restrictions to hand ache or spelling.

I guess there is a small part that hopes someone reads this at some point, again for not validation but just that what i write here is what i would say to someone who was sat next to me and willing to engage into a conversation to whatever my wander little mind has goes…

My life style, work and social are fair mixed which leaves me alone for a lot of odd times, i don’t mind but conversation is lacking at times. My exploration of me, the world, faith, youth work, media and many other topics then get a little crowded in my head to the point scrambling them down for others to stumble upon them makes sense.

So, after a break off I am back to witter on on many things happening…

Thanks for reading if you have gotten thing far!

x

Listening to: Mint Royal- Blue

Technorati Tags: blogging,me,sharing

hmmm...

I miss blogging...

I move soon and hoping to get the Internet at home... then I'll return!

x

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Sat in my car...

... And I'm just listening to music which I love so much...

Saw Mika in Bristol tonight... At a gig of course and sadly not just an over coffee chat...

He was very good, clearly lives to be the entertainer and has a very good stage production team...

But something happened to me that normally is reserved for a 'meaningful' song or powerful tune...

The tears of awe and wonder...

But the difference was it was at the start, and wasn't anything to do with what I was listening to

During the support I was fairly bored, he was good but I was ready for mika entertainment and mika he was not... So my mind wondered and I started to think of how the angels praise God...

The bible talks of singing and harps... But this was in the context of singing and harps... Guitars and pianos weren't around then... So started to wonder if in heaven God is being praised by amazing bands with every possible skill and harmonic bliss...

Then I sat, waited and the show as had paid to watch began... After the acted introduction came the first song and I found the stiring I normally keep a hold of till we are in full gig swing. As the lights blazed around the room, lighting each face present and being a full presents of the music we heard it was very clear... This is a glimpes of heaven... The tears fell more than normal, and I knew once more God honnoured me was this blessing...

No mika is not god, no the song that was playing wasn't for god nor were the people there to praise Him... But I saw just for those few seconds how big and amazing it will be... More than we can ever write, experience or expect... Better than the best...

Heaven is a band, there to bring the best praise possible...

X

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]