This weekend I am mostly sulking...

Age 25

Current Age 8 

you know what you get so fixed on an idea that when it doesnt happen or it doesnt happen they way you want it completely throws you?!

well at least i am still like this and now fear i will be like this for my whole adult life... although i do not remember doing it much as a child, so many i am making up for it (like i really need to eh?!)

friday saw a heavy day at work with meeting and face to face work more than normal and all week i had new friday was coming and was ready for it. then i had the oppotunity to go out after work for a wind down dance to then chillout on the saturday having made myself so tired the night before... however plans change and i was home by 1045 in the most stupid and rubbish mood...

so first... i am sorry i was such an annoying child sulking in a manner that just wasnt needed!

and secondly... i realised that while i dont like this action, how it makes me feel or how it makes others feel... its still part of me and that it is still part of my life with God.

today i had the chance to sit in and be normal in church... i wasnt working and had the chance to just listen. today was all about living under grace and not bound by law.

it was pointed out that God doesnt want to hit us over our head to make us do something, but rather wants us to want to do it... (much like many rom com plots) so then this becomes interesting... when i dont want to do something (as i am in a mood) then what happens to my relationship with God?

he becomes my comfort... he morns with me (even if  it really is over silly things) im not say that just because i want to do something that God is in that, i could want to punch someone in the face but i doubt God is in that. But what i am saying is that in my moods, my fits of sulk, i want to invite God there too...

God is a God of grace, fills the gaps even though we will never ever deserve it... this god then is with me whatever...

When i dont want to talk to God he is still there... i am learning more and more that while i toss my arms about he just waits...

i want to know him more, i want to be more like him.

X

LISTENING TO- Duncan Lloyd- nightfly