Yes, as the title says... I like to smile.
I like the effect on myself and the person I send the flash of teeth to, be it a stranger, a shop assisstant, a close friend or someone in the next car.
I don't smile to gain reward, just to spead happiness and a mini bit of love-the glimpes if God's love I hope.
But these smiles seem to be getting me into trouble. And not, I add quickly, the flirty guy trouble you might think!
This trouble seems to be the betrayal of how I am really feeling, my smiles have become a mask: one I never intended. Yes, at times my smiles have been a coping thing. But it seems everyone reads them at 'face value'.
My issue is how am I really feeling?! Which is the honest answer? Is there a mask or am I ok?
It's not that I don't know how I am feeling, it's just my reaction to the fact not many other people seem to know.
Right now my personal life is pretty rubbish, but I have to take it in my stride, or I know it would tip my over the edge if sanity (thus the smiles etc). But this has lead to many people in my life thinking I'm fine, when at times I'm really not...
So how do I express/share/show what's going on without the outbrust or sudden death tears?! My smiles aren't a cover: but I know they now build a wall of fakery I never intented... When I smile I do mean it- but how do I smile along WITH the sadness in my heart, for the death I know is coming soon to my family?
X
Listening to: muse, the resistance.
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