I've found myself at that point again when I just have to question what's going on and how I can once more dig out of the hole I have seemed to put myself into...
I don't want a responce, I can't make that any clearer: I just simply need to get out what's happening in my head in a constuctive form. I don't need anyone to ask me about this nor do I want to talk about it, I will talk to the friends I need when I am able to conjure the words without choking...
I've been thrown into thinking about loneiness once more... Yes I am single, and yes I am happy to wait: as long as I do get a happy ending my heart us settled with.
But with this comes the loneiness, the loneiness I realise I've had follow me like a gray cloud all my life. The loneiness that has lead me into stupid and difficult emotional situations I care never to repeat.
The loneiness that at times crates bitterness and anger, jealousy and fustration.
I know this isn't me and yet it consumes me...
I want it all to stop and I know the answer doesn't simply lie with another person, it's bigger than that. It would be a false to place the responsiblity onto a person and expect them to be perfect and able to carry my load...
I know I can't simply seek to replace one problem with another, just putting a plaster over a gapeing wound doesnt make it any better...
So how do I get to this point of ok-ness... The realisation that the balance in a relationship can now be entered?
When does the loneiness go without the burden or pressure?
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