Over the last few weeks I've been thinking about friendships... While mine can be difficult and hard work at times there is always value in having people who genuinly mean something to you.
At school I was a loner, mostly due to bullying and poor social ability I never really had much of a network of long lasting friends (not to say I'm not thankful for the friends I had but out Of them I am only in contact with one now).
This isn't a pity me blog, but I need to say were I'm coming from...
At 16 leaving school was one of the best things I've ever done. Looking back I now understand school didn't allow me to be the extrovert that I really am...
I love being the centre of attension and so the progression is to want to be popular... And this is were I struggle.
Recently I found myself being back in the big pond and being a small fish. Where there were social groups Im not a part of and where there are other queen bees ruling the rooms Im in.
I'm not a control freak, I don't demand anything from anyone. I just simply like to know what's happening and where I stand with everyone... This isn't possible when the situation is changed...
And so I find myself conjuring all those feelings and emotions of a 13 year old. Wanting to be in the popular girls gang, wanting to be cool and liked.
I didn't like it then and now was no difference... But why? Am I so shallow I need that afirmation?! Or is it a case of undoing the past? Or maybe just down to insecurity?
Whatever the answer... Now I can see it I need to let it go, no matter what the answer is there is very little I can do to fix what is outside of my control.
X
No comments:
Post a Comment