After a lovely evening with friends combining my favorite things of food music and hosting, I get home with a bitter taste in my mouth...
My company was fabulous and my food was great but there is a guy...
It normally is right?!
I do fine without him, go weeks without seeing him and then... Then without any effort I turn into a little jealous school girl.
I'm not sure I even like him... Certainly not effort to be worthy of concern. But the conversations we've had seemed good, indepth and enjoyable. But these stopped very quickly and now it feels like a big void...
I don't mind moving on, some friendships do. But it's the looks and glances that I see... Makes it difficult to understand.
Human emotion is so complicated at times... Or is it just a case that we hold the answers we just over think and complicate with clouds of ponderment...
No matter what, the moment has passed and now I need to box up and move on...
X
Watching: Spaced
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The day the spilts the westen world...
Tomorrows seeing 14th of feburary and another valentines day...
We witness the great divide of the couples and the singletons. The paired up try to create new romantic memories, while those without a partner try and be happy even if it's genuine or not...
This is where I confess is the landmark time I wonder what the next year holds for me when it comes to my own love life. Each year I find myself single, and that's not an issue... But like new years, birthdays and every other landmark in our calendar it's a time to take stock. To look back at what's gone and wonder what's to come.
I always wonder when I get to the next 14th day of the second month if I might at least have a boyfriend to plot sending lovehearts to... So far the wonders haven't gotten me far. And that's ok, I'm happy to leave it in Gods hands... No matter how fustrating I might get.
I've been trying to work out how much effort a single Christian should put in when thinking about settling down...
Now I start from the understanding a Christian looking to date is a Christian looking for the long term marriage thing (yes that scary commitment requirement!) But how active should a Christian be to find the 'one'?
The Christian faith requires exactly that... Faith, that trust, the understanding and calm to know it's in Gods hands. We are created with free will, created with creativity and created with the skills to assess what to do in each situation... But that doesn't mean we don't need the guidance or wisdom God imparts, I know I would be lost without it.
So can we activily make those massive decisions or should we wait for God to reveal himself and his plans? Should Christians go for the dating help or simply wait?
When serving God is top of the list what else or who else should you need? With this perspective finding a husband isn't as important.. Yes loneliness is rubbish and our culture says the being single is a negative... But God creates the bigger picture. With that looking for a date isn't the most important thing... No matter if it's a struggle the trust in God becomes even more imporant.
I'm not sure if I made my thoughts clear or if I'm right in my ponderings... But I know even if I'd love to find my own love I should and am happy to meet another valentines day single... And will simply ask and wait on God.
X
Filming watching
We witness the great divide of the couples and the singletons. The paired up try to create new romantic memories, while those without a partner try and be happy even if it's genuine or not...
This is where I confess is the landmark time I wonder what the next year holds for me when it comes to my own love life. Each year I find myself single, and that's not an issue... But like new years, birthdays and every other landmark in our calendar it's a time to take stock. To look back at what's gone and wonder what's to come.
I always wonder when I get to the next 14th day of the second month if I might at least have a boyfriend to plot sending lovehearts to... So far the wonders haven't gotten me far. And that's ok, I'm happy to leave it in Gods hands... No matter how fustrating I might get.
I've been trying to work out how much effort a single Christian should put in when thinking about settling down...
Now I start from the understanding a Christian looking to date is a Christian looking for the long term marriage thing (yes that scary commitment requirement!) But how active should a Christian be to find the 'one'?
The Christian faith requires exactly that... Faith, that trust, the understanding and calm to know it's in Gods hands. We are created with free will, created with creativity and created with the skills to assess what to do in each situation... But that doesn't mean we don't need the guidance or wisdom God imparts, I know I would be lost without it.
So can we activily make those massive decisions or should we wait for God to reveal himself and his plans? Should Christians go for the dating help or simply wait?
When serving God is top of the list what else or who else should you need? With this perspective finding a husband isn't as important.. Yes loneliness is rubbish and our culture says the being single is a negative... But God creates the bigger picture. With that looking for a date isn't the most important thing... No matter if it's a struggle the trust in God becomes even more imporant.
I'm not sure if I made my thoughts clear or if I'm right in my ponderings... But I know even if I'd love to find my own love I should and am happy to meet another valentines day single... And will simply ask and wait on God.
X
Filming watching
Friday, February 12, 2010
Possibly a VERY good idea...
If this as simple as it says it is... why not? From nurses to Youth workers the money is being cut back... lets create the oppotunity for this to stop.
Scary to think just how much money does go through our banks if those figures are just 0.05% on transactions...
x
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Am I really still only 13 years old?!
Over the last few weeks I've been thinking about friendships... While mine can be difficult and hard work at times there is always value in having people who genuinly mean something to you.
At school I was a loner, mostly due to bullying and poor social ability I never really had much of a network of long lasting friends (not to say I'm not thankful for the friends I had but out Of them I am only in contact with one now).
This isn't a pity me blog, but I need to say were I'm coming from...
At 16 leaving school was one of the best things I've ever done. Looking back I now understand school didn't allow me to be the extrovert that I really am...
I love being the centre of attension and so the progression is to want to be popular... And this is were I struggle.
Recently I found myself being back in the big pond and being a small fish. Where there were social groups Im not a part of and where there are other queen bees ruling the rooms Im in.
I'm not a control freak, I don't demand anything from anyone. I just simply like to know what's happening and where I stand with everyone... This isn't possible when the situation is changed...
And so I find myself conjuring all those feelings and emotions of a 13 year old. Wanting to be in the popular girls gang, wanting to be cool and liked.
I didn't like it then and now was no difference... But why? Am I so shallow I need that afirmation?! Or is it a case of undoing the past? Or maybe just down to insecurity?
Whatever the answer... Now I can see it I need to let it go, no matter what the answer is there is very little I can do to fix what is outside of my control.
X
At school I was a loner, mostly due to bullying and poor social ability I never really had much of a network of long lasting friends (not to say I'm not thankful for the friends I had but out Of them I am only in contact with one now).
This isn't a pity me blog, but I need to say were I'm coming from...
At 16 leaving school was one of the best things I've ever done. Looking back I now understand school didn't allow me to be the extrovert that I really am...
I love being the centre of attension and so the progression is to want to be popular... And this is were I struggle.
Recently I found myself being back in the big pond and being a small fish. Where there were social groups Im not a part of and where there are other queen bees ruling the rooms Im in.
I'm not a control freak, I don't demand anything from anyone. I just simply like to know what's happening and where I stand with everyone... This isn't possible when the situation is changed...
And so I find myself conjuring all those feelings and emotions of a 13 year old. Wanting to be in the popular girls gang, wanting to be cool and liked.
I didn't like it then and now was no difference... But why? Am I so shallow I need that afirmation?! Or is it a case of undoing the past? Or maybe just down to insecurity?
Whatever the answer... Now I can see it I need to let it go, no matter what the answer is there is very little I can do to fix what is outside of my control.
X
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Is there ever a time you are 'ok' with death?
Now before I go any further I think I'm ok with my own mortality, the question is about the death of others...
Today is the funeral of two people. Both of whom I wasn't close to but still saddens me to think they no longer have their influences in this world personally.
I can't bear the idea of going into that setting yet...
But when will I ever? I've been to a grandfathers and another relativeS and even a boy when we were still at school... And it's been fine afterwards. But after my own dad's funeral I struggle to get my head round the 'give it time' concept.
It's not that I have a desire to go to all the funerals possible, but it seems to be so different post October '09...
Maybe it's now so personal, the detachment can no longer happen... I guess my ponder then is when can I detach once again?!
X
Watching CBB
Today is the funeral of two people. Both of whom I wasn't close to but still saddens me to think they no longer have their influences in this world personally.
I can't bear the idea of going into that setting yet...
But when will I ever? I've been to a grandfathers and another relativeS and even a boy when we were still at school... And it's been fine afterwards. But after my own dad's funeral I struggle to get my head round the 'give it time' concept.
It's not that I have a desire to go to all the funerals possible, but it seems to be so different post October '09...
Maybe it's now so personal, the detachment can no longer happen... I guess my ponder then is when can I detach once again?!
X
Watching CBB
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