i dont like it...

why is it that when we are at a low point it all seems to happen...
loneliness creeps in like a big black cloud that appears in a matter of miniutes.
It annoys me just how much thinking i can be consumed by when things get bad... i seem to OD on the fight i have in my head...
why do i continually seek for something i know i cant and shouldnt have right now?!

this isnt a blog to say poor me, im still single does anyone fancy me?!
this is a blog to point out the blueness in how annoying it is to feel like i want to make a plee... i dont want to, but i do... its like Paul in Romans (from the bible) talks about not wanting to sin but still going ahead and doing it...

I dont want a guy, i mean i do... one day.... but right now i cant have one... 1) cos there isnt anyone around to call my own and 2) i do not have the time or energy to have another being in my life and 3) and maybe this should be number one... my relationship with God should be first... how can i have another man in my life if he becomes a wall between me and my creator? the answer is simple and clear... no no NO!

God isnt a bog old guy on a cloud with a big stick pointing out my unhappiness and saying i wont ever be happy... i am in some ways and he will fulfil his promise to me one day... he is a loving father (amoung many other great things) who knows best for his daughter and knows just the right time place and guy for me... i know i have to trust him... and i DO... oh how i do!
but its just hard waiting... know what i mean?!

thanks for reading what seems like a moan now!

x

LISTENING TO- God put a smile upon you face by Coldplay (no really i am listening to this in a kinda ironic kinda way!)