Does anyone else wonder...?

So one of the great or not so great things about my life style and job choice is the fact day time TV can be an option to be watched... normally it all does my head in... but i won't get started on that today!

I just wondered if anyone else wanted to know what kind of gig does this (lovely) 'older' lady do?!

 

I don't care for poligrip, and I am hoping it for be some few years before i need to think about it. But this ad doesn't want me to pray for my teeth for fall out so i can have faith my new teeth won't fall out either... i want to know WHAT GIG DOES THIS GRANNY DO?!

I am hoping it starts with the grand words... LETS ROCK!

X

LISETENING TO- Butterflies and hurricanes by Muse

 

http://www.tellyads.com/show_movie_miss.php?filename=TA5040&advertiser=Poligrip

Things are looking up...!

Ok, so things in past week haven't been good... over thinking things does not help me and when I put my sanity into situations and wait for them to unveil themselves it is a dangerous place to play in.

But as i continue to trust that all things happen for the good of God's children, i will continue to keep up how things are working out.

It is strange what we will make ourselves think or do when we want something badly isn't it? Maybe strange is not the best word, because in fact i think it is human nature to want to make things happen to make us happy or fit the social norm, or just want things a certain way.

But is there a way of seeing this happening while you are doing and not just at the 'looking back' point?

My life over the past few weeks has been a series of times were i have thought i have felt things and wanted things, glossing over the facts of my life which did not fit into the 'delusion'.

Can we learn while it is still happening, or is it only when it is over that we can really learn from it?

I learnt this time... as soon as it was over, quite literally the very hour things settled i had the revelation and understood my actions, reactions and understood other peoples motives in my life... but not during.

x

LISTENING TO- The Wombats- Lost in the Post

Bear with me on this one...

So it is Monday afternoon and it is time I start sorting my head/life out...

Recently my posts have been about emotion and reactions to situations... and this one while I am hoping to clean out the corners of my thinking, will still be on the same line!

I have had a rubbish weekend... while I have had chance to see friends, reflect within a church dynamic and to spend time working in a job I love... inside my over thinking head has been working at hyper-drive speed. To the point that I wind myself up so much my heart races and I have a desire to pace...

I know that this is not anyone else's fault, however I do recognise these reactions are normally from an interaction with someone, or some situation.

I am sat here trying to work out quite how I do it, what sets me off and more importantly how do I stop or at least cope better?

Looking at what set me off this time it could be down to my mass ideology setting, or placing an expectancy on others which either was never expressed (so how can I expect anyone else to know what I am thinking and/expect) or not needed (placing people into how I think they should react or act with me... I know I can not dictate how people interact with life... but I wish I could!)

So if the issue is that I keep it in my head until I explore with fear and tears... it makes sense to seek to get it out before I get to that place...

easier said than done... this means I need to be more honest and open, someone has to listen to my ramble (when I know I don't make sense!) and the fact its likely person I really need to talk about it is busy... or unavailable... the person who started these reaction thoughts :S and a reason why I get to the situation I am in now 9and other times)

This morning I cried out in desperation at God, and I know everything begins and ends with God... but at times I just don't understand why things or happen, or worse I know why things are happening and I don't like it.

What do we do when we find ourselves just so angry you want to sulk?!

X

LISTENING TO- retirement by Kaiser Chiefs

Emotions again...

So two posts ago I spoke about how I was concerned how much I am ruled by emotion, and came to the conclusion that God can reveal more of him through our action and reactions.

But I have realised the last week that it isn't just my actions and reactions that concern me about my emotions...

This week I have been tired, dashing about to Cardiff, Oxford and Bristol have taken its toll on me on top of the normal dissertation, module and youth work worries and work load.

The impact of that is upon my relationships, I become ratty and an emotional mess (at time)... I recognise that this happens to the best of us, and we all need to know and learn how to handle things. The stresses of our lives can easily dictate what we are and who we become...

and it is this that annoys me, I don't like who I turn into... but I want to fight against this... but it is bigger than just making sure I smile at the right time (which is a cover/mask, which cant be good) but making sure I don't get to the point that I need to set the mask up in the first place...

The whole Sabbath thinking, of resting the 7th day, taking time out to rest with God. Our lives in  this culture mean 'on the go' is taken to the extreme... having a whole day to rest and simply 'be' with God seems like an impossible task...

But I'm not going to make excuses, but highlight that this is something we all should reach for, something we need to make happen, for our relationships with God and the people around us we need to claim the opportunities  to find that peace...

X

LISTENING TO- watching BBC iplayer

very tired... but still thinking

Well happy Valentine’s Day to all who happen to read this today...
And I hope that this commercialised day of cards, flowers and chocolate finds something meaningful to you.

At the moment in time I am in a daze... having just had 4 days of busyness... Cardiff, Oxford and Bristol tour of lectures is hard work and somewhat took the shine off what were good lectures... but you can’t have everything eh?! And so today was meant for a day of getting on with my dissertation... however I have managed to er... complete zero of my tasks other than cook potatoes for the group I have this evening. The tiredness set in and so nothing has been possible...

I have a habit of over thinking things or making things far bigger than they really are in reality...
It’s frustrating, I would love to let things go, or not worry about things, but it just doesn’t happen. I leave them with God after super gluing them to my hand... how can I expect God to give me the desires of my heart when I either don’t know what they are or I don’t trust enough to just leave alone and wait?

I am currently trying to up my bible reading; I want to be one of those amazingly blessed people who simply breathe out the word of God... and with God’s help and me reading more I want to make my life to be enriched with his word...

I knew that (somewhere) in the Psalms it is written that God may make our desires done...

Psalm 20:4 May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
And I found it looking up one of my favourite sites, biblegateway.com... but then I wanted to know what else did the bible say when it came to desire...

Psalm 73:25Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
Job 13:3But I desire to speak to the Almighty and to argue my case with God.
Romans 9:16It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy.
Psalm 40:8I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

These are just for examples from well over 100 hits for desire... and while we can read on face value, I hold dear to the fact we must read in context (both of the writing in which it is placed, and the cultural context it was written).

These last four texts are about seeking God’s will, God’s desire in our lives. And in a way that is part of the core of the Christian faith, seeking and living the way God’s desires for us, not that we are to live boring lives, but to be liberated in the fact we can live in a way we were created and not be trapped by the natures that can weight us down so easily.

In the context then looking back at Psalm 20:4 it is a prayer over someone else, that God will look after the person is it being spoken over, that God will bless them and keep them, protect and strengthen.

The desires of my heart then should be in keeping with God’s will for my life... after all that is the best way for my life. I cannot just simply rest on what I want and think I need and then beg my ‘daddy’ for it till he gives in. I need to learn to how to seek His will and see what he has planned for me and ask that to be my desire.

I write this and it is nothing new to me, in fact it’s flipping hard. Living in this world full of living for the now and new, along with the expectancy of what you want is ‘rightfully’ yours... It is easy to grow to want that more and more.

And that is where I am, I don’t claim to have the answers for me or anyone else, but I do know and right now is the only thing I can hold onto is the fact the Creator God does want what is best for me... and while I have a paddy about not wanting to listen so I can run off to my own desires (although I know it will be damaging to me)... I can still keep the balance for knowing this.

Taken from http://bgmartjournal.blogspot.com/2006/09/art-cards.html

X

LISTENING TO- Falling by TD Lind

Ps...
I need to thank God, while I am not all that happy about it, he is working in other people’s lives to make sure I am blessed and keep on track...