Help me get something free... and you can too!

Simply... click on the link- sign up and complete an offer... total cost £5... and then get some friends to do the same!

then you too can have a great prodoct (such as an ipod touch!!) for a £5!!!

Go on... have a go! :)

http://Gifts.real-incentives.com/7185

x

Could be one of the best quotes i have ever used...

I am currently still writing about how my ministry and spirituality has grown... and i really do not enjoy writing things down... if only i could do a ten min presentation on it... still its almost finished...

but i couldnt continue without sharing this...

“We are the community of the Creator, so we must create. We are the community that looks forward to the city where divine and humanity will live side by side, so we must give birth to en emergent, conjunctive, self-renewing, adaptable Church that can model this inclusivity, generosity, creativity and flexibility, welcoming the Other, providing true space for pain, and real time for carnival.”
From The Complex Christ by Kester Brewin

i have reflected a lot on being Church lately, mainly part of this essay and my journey to working out where God wants me... but i know this much- the Church IS Christ's bride, we are the UNITED body of Jesus.

This quote challenges me to think...
It should challenge us all to think...

How much does church emcompass Christ?
How much of christ do we show?
How much difference to we make?
How much does it show in this our world at the moment?

How much do we look forward to the city where divine and humanity live side by side?

How much do we embody the birth, life, death and ressurection of Christ Jesus?

x

WORK IN PROGRESS!

THIS BLOG WILL BE BACK IN FULL FORCE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE...

UNI AND WORK WORK IS COMING FIRST AT THE MOMENT

X

the duke is amazing... even the BBC think so...

It would seem that the BBC electric proms was amazing this year... and if i had not been working for whole week i would have tried my very best to have gone to something... but after a very late rambled call last night from the lovely em... it would seem Duke Special was one of the acts to have graced the stage of the round house last week.

Oh how i wish we had been there!
But hey we see him in Dec!




x

ok so i know i am rubbish at keeping this going but...

i flippin love this tune... have done for a long time... and now someone (just a lil sadder than me) has done this great little video...



A true refection to our sociality... harder better faster stronger...

x

And here is it... the BCYM video

ENJOY!


x

dukes new song...

sing along with the no and ahhhhs...



x

unsure...

i am unsure of what i think about this...
but i know it is powerful and very illistrative...



x

so an update...

I have decided this is the time i become 100% honest with what is happening in my life. This is for many reasons... it will help me face up to what is around me rather than run around dealing with only things i like, but also maybe help me have more focus and sort out my own head. And of course your prayer, while i understand its wrong of my to think all readers of my blog we Christian (or of another faith is guess) i invite all readers to pray- i know it works and i have every faith that God will answer our prayers, his will be done and all that!

So where do i start?
Faith wise im doing good, i have had time resently to think and pray a lot with God and recognise his work in my life and just how blessed i am in him creating me and giving me the skills he has. I thank God everyday for the life he has given me and i want to continue doing so. My aim for this year is to become better at reading his word- the only way of knowing the word is reading it... so i need to do it!

And now comes the difficult bit of my family, or put better my family illness.
My dad has a brain tummour (cancer) and we are simply waiting for it to take a hold, he has good days and bad days, and i am truly thankful he is still working- it is keep him sane! I love my dad, we have our moments, but i know in my heart life will be very different soon.
My step nan, my mum's step mum is dying, she has cancer which seems to be taking a hold of her body at great speed. I dont know her all that well, but mum tells me how she is doing and knows what she is facing. She has an amazing friend who is looking after her as she gets worse, all praise to God for blessing that friendship.
But these things are taking a hold on my mum. She has MS, which is slowly getting worse and stress of life is taking its hold. over the past week she has had to get a walking stick to help her walk, something i had always hoped that would never be effected. Mum is doing amazingly well, and coping with the stress better than she knows, but it is all taking a massive toll on her.

I am thankful for my friends for they support me in my ways they dont know, at times i wish i was more able to say what is really happening in my head, but i know my silence is part of me!

Lastly, i want to say just how amazing my church is, while i am mostly there to work, the people are my family and so supportive in ALL i do, all thanks to God for how you all bless me!

right i need to do some work :-s

X

LISTENING TO- all because of you by U2

PLEASE HELP ME!

this is a plee of help needed...

i need moles!!

if you have a soft toy mole that you would like to donate it would make me very happy and create a great chance for a game at Hill House...

I need about 6... so if you have one it is very needed!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can i have it?

i can get it back to you at the end of the week of camp or if you want i will sell it on ebay for charity for you!

I need the moles by the 3rd of Aug... so please please please let me know!! comment/contact me!!!

Thanks

Fi (and the Hill House week 2 team)

God is constant

God is constant...

In my life there are ups and downs
My friends come and go
We smile and cry
Laugh and frown
I sulk and moan
I giggle and relate

At times I change my mind
At times I stand my ground
I run and hide
I hold my head with pride
I show all my cards
And I keep them close to my chest
I can be alone in a crowd
And social with many on my own...

But one thing that does not change...
God is constant
His love enternal
Ever present

The rock my life is built upon will never crumble
God is constant

A Kinda normal ish blog.. still all about me...

So where do I start?!

I promised the next blog I did would be worthy of reading... well I will try. Possibly starting with an update of the business of my life and then maybe that will reflect and show me a new meaning we can all share in!

So... June saw one of the busiest times of my life... making for my fieldwork was handed in and two essays which seemed to be nightmares was just the uni side of my life. I love working for my church and there a lot of things happening and changing which means I need to keep my running shoes on to keep up, but it’s great to seem glimpse of what God is doing and where he is taking our community.

June saw me also running about the England to see two very different gigs but equally cool and memories well worth keeping.

MUSE meant Holly and I getting lost on the way to the hotel but seeing one of the best gigs from MUSE ever... and I quote ‘better than Glastonbury’ from Holly which is an amazing statement for her to make!! We had a great time, and has made me think I trip to the capital city every now and again would be a good choice!
The day when I was (starting and) finishing my final essay for the second year of my degree I had a text to say that once again I had won tickets... this time to MIKA in Manchester... the next day! The panic set in of who was I going to take, who could be free and my thoughts turned to the lovely Em... after the realisation we would have to drive all the way to Manchester and then find the ‘secret’ venue I cracked on with that I would like to say was a lovely essay, however I would be lying, I couldn’t stand the flipping essay and wished it to be over- at 4am Wednesday it finally was and by 1030am it was in the post! However this was something I would never advice anyone else to do... because it now meant I had had 3 hours sleep to drive from Bristol, to Cardiff to then Manchester then all the way back... But forget the danger side for just a few moments to understand the amazingness of the gig and how excited we both were (not including the hangover- em and the over tiredness- me) there is one more detail I need to point out... that the dress code for the gig was fancy dress- So Fi fi the fairy and Em the Cat graces the streets of Manchester as we walked about a mile looking for the gig. It gig was great, MIKA is a great stage presents and a wonderfully talented man who can hit the notes every time. It is great to see a normal bloke enjoy himself doing what he clearly loves... marry me MIKA! (He is also very hansom ;)) Oh and yeah... the whole gig was filmed for TV and I was interviewed and then shown on TV- so I am now famous... please form a queue for autographs!

see if you can spot me... i was also on the rest of the show another 2 times! he he



But we made it safely back no issues and now I embark on the summers activities...

This year I will be mostly camping...

Hill House, Soul Survivor, Greenbelt and Cornwall are all on the menu- very busy for someone who is meant to be taking a break!

But all these are great and will (hopefully) give me a chance to spend time with God and seek what we are meant to be doing over the next year and to pray through some of the issues whizzing around my head...

This isn’t the right place to start on my issues... maybe at a later time- But God does bless me with people around me to impart wisdom and love, and I will always be thankful!

But I also have to celebrate... I have PASSED my final essay of my second year... yes even the one I hated so much... in fact that has been one of my best marks!! (I am still in shock!)

Right I need to keep working on campy things!

Love and hugs

X

LISETENING TO- CSS lets make love

After this one i will write a proper blog...

but for now i need to say...
im on telly!!!
it would seem that after a few guys who were followed with camera and the guy himself MIKA... i am the STAR of the progamme about the gig in Manchester... see it again tonight 1230am (saturday 7th july) on channel 4... very funny and a complete fool... but its all great!

promise i will get to proper bloging asap!

x

LISTENING TO- long way to happy by PINK

wow wow wow wow!!!...

i have just won tickets to see mika in manchester tomorrow!!!!

(but i have an essay to write before i can dream of going!)


x

wow...

that is all i can say... WOW... muse were flippin amazing!
look out for the video coming soon...

next question... does anyone like the bravery? (a band from the US)... let me know

x

LISTENING TO... calm down dearest by Jamie T

this one is for holz...

its that time again that holly and i go on a jouney together...

a journey we took nearly a year ago together


a journey of much happiness and plesure...


a journey to london...


a journey to see a band close to our hearts...


MUSE!! 17th June 2007!!! here we come!

x

LISTENING TO- one of nowhere by athlete

it will take some styling but...

i have a new hair cut!!

i promise i will get back to writing a more detailed blog one day... bare with me!

x

LISTENING TO mika, love today

this is the face off...

someone who has finished her writen part of her fieldwork!

all she has to do now is sort out the grid and edivdence... easy!!

MWAH!!!

x

LISTENING TO- the Go! Team, we just wont be defeated!

Good news...

no my good news isnt that i have finished with the one of the worse parts of my life at the moment... fieldwork...

The good news is HOT FUZZ, one of the best films i have seen in the past year comes on sale june 11th!!

only 9 days to go before my sides hurts from laughing... altho i am sure if i see em before then my sides will hurt before then...

woop woop... but back to work now :(

x

LISTENING TO mr hudson and the library, cover girl

3 to go....

i am sooo tired of flipping writing... just let me do the job... this game isnt funny anymore!

x

LISTENING TO- muse invincable

ok....

so i finished my directed task yesterday... meaning i only have 5 journals left...

ba ha ha

are you have a laugh, like i really can get them done?!

well i will at least try...

at the moment my staple food has become McVities Caramel digestives.... not good....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

x

LISTENING TO- wires by athete

ok honesty time...

so most of the people who read this will know what fieldwork is...

for those who do not... basically its to show i am able to be a youth worker by writing what seems like a million essays about different youth workery subjects...

so here is where i am honest, which will hopefully mean i will get on with my work... not that i am having a problem, i know what ive got to do, but i would like to celebrate each mini victory....

i have 5 journals left and one Directed Task left to do, and it would be great to finish it by my final fieldtutor meeting... on the 4th june... one week away...

i WILL get it done... but i will update when i get closer to my victory!

i realise i am losing time writing this... but i feel it is important to show my true emosion when i am able... however as a personal rule i try not to swear on my blog... please insert appropreiate words here____________________

x

LISTENING TO- the tyranny of ducks by eddie izzard

wanted...

one man

taller than me

single

no unhealthy attachements
christian

lover of music

lover of me

good hugger essential

i dont mind being single... honest!

just today its annoying...

x

LISTENING TO- get over it by OK go

PS em and i will write our turkey adventure when we have finished fieldwork... it might not ever happen... but we can hope!

We are back!....

WEll em and i had an amazing time away... and we will write our blogs soon... but here are a few of the photos for you to pine over...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=22398&l=c6dc0&id=502940573

and

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=22553&l=63d4a&id=502940573

x

LISENTING TO- black sabbeth paranoid

I guess its time for a mini rant...

At times I get so annoyed at being a woman... and being single... I know this is an age old rant.... I have made week in and month out... but I will probably go on about it until something (someone) else happens... then it will be something else...

But for now... you can choice to read this rant... I have the continual battle... of being genuinely happy being single... and then there is the gut killing feeling every now and again that when I see people being happy in couples... I become some jealous monster where it seems my eyes really DO turn green and all I want to do it cry, stomp, shout and then moan... I normally get to the crying stage... cry then feel annoyed at my annoyance and think I should get back to my ‘happiness’ of being me... and so the cycle continues...

Mr Bell in his great new book SEX GOD points out how lust (of anything) become a master (biblically shows it too)... and how we aren’t truly free is we are under the slavery of lust... we have freedom in Christ... as a Christian I know this and believe whole heartily... and that’s amazing!... but what I am realising is that I can still give myself over to other masters all my life... I can try and try to make Jesus my master... my creator knows best... but I still wander away like a child who needs rains but isn’t in them...

I continually ask God to help me and think I know better and ask in order for me to stop wondering off I need to have the thing I wonder off for with me then I wouldn’t wander off anymore... Rob Bell points out we always want something else... that extra thing... if God gave me what I wanted... then I would want more of something else... my problem isn’t solved... I still seek to serve another...

I ask you a question... what makes you wonder off and serve another master? How do we get back on track and not wonder off again and again?

LORD- please help me to keep on track, but more than this, help me to understand and feel 100% secure in my journey with you...

X

LISTENING TO- backyard by Natasha Bedingfield

Trying to work... but had to show you my week...

Once again another week is nearly over and my productivity levels are that high on the college front... but i have been thinking lots... which does help (some how)... but i have been able to have a good week on the old live music front...

MONDAY- Maximo Park (with Art Brut supporting)

and oh how good the park were... i have been waiting a long long looong time to see them and they did not fail me!

As most people who know me will know there are only a few bands i would happily follow around the world to watch... i wont name them cos you jusy should know... but Maximo Park are now on that list with a HUGE tick and gold star rating!

Art brut were good too... its nice to enjoy the music from the start of the evening! And of course anyone who can make me giggle has to get votes... and Eddie Argos did do that!

And so onto my second dose of live music

WEDNESDAY- Justin Nuzoka (with The Cedar as support)

I know is will be a good gig when the venue is so small even the people at the back are also at the front... and The Croft in Bristol did that well.

So i knew and still dont know much about Justin other than he was born in the USA and is far too young for me to find attactive (18).... But my goodness that boy can sing!! A very tallented guy who deserves to go far, i only own one track of his (free from itunes) but the songs he sang on wednesday shows the depth of language and experience you wonder were it comes from...

I know i am a big wimp when it comes to anything that has a chance of making my cry, but the emotion some of his songs had was powerful (but the tears did manage to stay in my eyes for once!)

The support act were just as good... The Cedar, folk music and clearly tallented... and i now own their CDs.... look out for them!

better go and do some work...

x

LISTENING TO- Art Brut, fight

hands up if....

you flippin HATE fieldwork right now?

que- angry/stressed face....

well its been a weekend and a half...

I gave myself the weekend off last weekend... and oh boy did i have fun...



I meantioned a few posted ago that once again i won tickets to see a band... the band in question was YOURCODENAMEIS:milo...

And after an unusual start... the gig was great... albeit shorter than i would have liked... i cant really complain as it was free! The unusual start was the fact there was hardly anyone there at the start... all of about 10 people watched the first warm up act (who decided the best way to play was with their backs to the audience...!) and then only about 25 watched the second warm up band... but after a surreal moment or 3, YCNI:M came on and sure enough there were a few more and so em and i were able to stand at the front without fear or shame that we were the only ones!



However this was only the start of our weekend adventure... as we then dashed over the bridge to make it out by 11:30 for a lil bit of a d.a.n.c.e.... and the night was good!... while the music wasnt quite as happening or to my taste as i would have liked at times... the company was great... and that is what really matters...

I right now i lift my diet coke to a new friend Andy... who has to be the most excitable guy on a night out i have ever met.... the quote of the night... 'wow its chippy lane, i cant believe its chippy lane, we have to eat chips' quickly followed by 'wow look at all the rubbish... its amazing!'.... Hope london is good to you Andy... and look forward to your next visit!

So my friends, the fun took a brief pause for a sleep to then be followed by an amazing roast dinner between 6 people, and then a walk and a boating outing on Roath Lake, Cardiff... it could have been make or break time as we fort how to row the boat.... but to much funniness... we did good... no sinkage and only a lil wetness...

But back to realilty with a bump... and how i have a very high amount of work i need to do... roll on the 9th of june... when this section of my life will be over and i WILL be a youth worker- i will have my own bit of paper to prove it and everything!

x

LISTENING TO- voyager by daft punk

love it...

So HMV were kind enough to post me my pre-ordered order... which contained...

MUSE PICTURE DISC!!

their lastest single is one of my favorite tracks from their lastest album... Invincible... and i just could resist buying the picture disc... and i was not disapointed! Just look at how beautiful it is!!



I think i made my point!



x



LISTENING TO- lily allen, knock 'em out

not sure what it means....

So yesterday saw me buy something i never thought i would buy and i am still not sure why i did buy... other than it had that lovely four letter word... sale writen on it and thus was cheap...

i am now the owner of a webcam...

This is a picture of me trying to be happy about the fact i can sit at my own computer and look at myself without going to the bathroom and looking at the mirror... or indeed, let anyone else see me with no make up whenever they are online and in my msn good books...

I know i am vain, many a time has my dad sung at my 'your so vain' from across a room when he catches me looking in a mirror for the millionth time... but has this taken it a lil far... i can video myself type... work... and bore myself with trying to smile continually while others watch me during a conversation...

But is this a chance to bring more of a reality to my online life... i try to put as many pictures as i can when i blog... but i have made sure they are the nice ones i like... with a webcam i have to allow the watcher to see my double chin (its only there when i tilt my head down honest!) or the fact i havent done my make up today... well i dont have to allow it... but if someone spoke to me right now that its what they would get.

I have huge issues with online life... the fact we can play at making up the best bits of ourselves and trying to cut and paste out the bits we dont like... it has cost me a lot in the past... and yet i am still here... is it my quest to be as real as possible... in the hope others will do the same??

How can we be 100% honest online? I dont know anyone who wants to point out their faults... but life isnt as simple... if the internet is really becoming a part of our lives, should be ask what do we project about oursleves both in real life and online... not only should we ask do these match up... but what are we missing out or avoiding? We can hide things from ourselves in real life... shouldnt the challenge be to make sure we are realistic in ALL areas of life...

Who are we?

X

LISTENING TO- MUSE, K of C

man i am blessed...

once again i have been blessed... last year i won tickets to see MUSE in an exclusive gig in london... and today i won tickets to see YOURCODENAMEIS:milo in bristol!!

while this wont be an exclusive gig and wont be on MTV... it is still free and the excitement levels get higher at that factor... but it is on the Thekla in bristol which is a boat... we saw the AMAZING DUKE SPECIAL there a few weeks back and now i get to get on the greta location yet again!! woop woop!!

I am working in Weston this next few weeks... tis good, its a change and a challenge... always good!! :)

love to you all

x

LISTENING TO- just jack, stars in their eyes

Thank you Em, my wonderful friend...

This year sees me turn to the strange age of 24, I'm not too sure what to make of being 24 years old. But there is very little I can do about it just enjoy it!

This year has been low key, the pile of essays has meant the postponement of the celebrations with my wonderful college friends until term starts again... so that is still to come. And due to a meeting... my out night with Weston friends will be on Tuesday.


However despite the spend out celebrations... my birthday has been lovely. This is down and a wonderful and treasured friend who I hope will always be in my life in some form (maybe I will keep her in my pocket, or a cupboard)... Em.


It was down to her I saw my birthday in with style. Champagne picnic in a Cardiff park was just amazing. I had no idea what Em had planned other than to drive to hers to then catch a bus somewhere. We sat and ate sausage rolls and grapes while popping open the champagne and having a very blessed afternoon.

You know that you have a true friend when you can talk about different church meetings and shooting clowns in the same breath.

The evening saw us changing venue and clothes, and after waiting for what seemed a long long time, we entered Metros in Cardiff, to the smell, sticky floors and long ques to the loos to great atmosphere and fantastic and strange variety of music.

After the counting down to my 24th the fun really began from dodging a half naked man leaning on us while dancing (top half I might add!) to playing the ‘I'm with her’ line to a well intentioned guy.


So I raise yet another glass to you em, you are a star... in fact I will name one on my car after you!


Mwah!


X


LISTENING TO- creep Radiohead.
UPDATE- read ems comment, as there was so much more to our day than i had writen... my my that guy in the que really was quite nice! x

If we stand together we can make a difference...

Today is FREDOM day...

God loves each of his children... that is every single person inthe world... we can help show God's love... be active in the fight against people traffiking...

SIGN UP

PRAY

AND TELL OTHERS

x

Micah Challenge UK

Micah Challenge UK

oh the problems i have...

ok so i have what it seems like a million essays to write, many many sessions to plan and but real problem is as follows...

do i join myspace just to ask eddie izzard to marry me?!

you may ba ha ha me...

however my dislike of myspace is strong but my love for mr izzard is also high....

which do i give into?!

while i know i have a very small chance of becoming friends with the fabulous eddie, but if i dont try then i cant add him to my friendship group can i?!

oh my my brain is troubled over this!

but really, yes i am worried about the mountain of work... but i still love eddie lol

x

LISTENING TO- er... nothing ;)

rant over...

i just want to say a little sorry for the last blog post...

i hope you can simpathise with my wondering... but i want to point out how much i really do value my friends... without my friends im not sure who i would be typing at my laptop this evening... my friends give me life in their laughter and tears with me... breathe hope when i feel its my last breath... bless me in the tiny detail...

People wonder where God is... creation... wonder... the bible... and the people placed around me... some stay for a while and others are gone in a flash... but each equally bless me with new reverlations of who i am... who they are... how awesome God is... and just how we are knited together under his ever present love....

i love my itunes program cos i can roll over all the album covers representing the music i listen to... in my mind i have a whole panal of pictures of the people who have been and still are in my life, all of them with smiles.... all of them bringing colour into my life....

This blog is now a thank you... thank you for being you... thank you for being you with me.... thank you for being you, the way you are wonderfully made.

love to each of you personally... who knows where our next journey will take us eh?

x

LISTENING TO- the killers- glamorous indie rock and roll

so now i have something to say...

i have had this blog page open for about an hour... not really knowing what to say as my new post...

First congrats to my college tutor on the early birth of his daughter! while i can not comprehend being responsible for another life myself, its exciting to see others do it!

over the past hour i have realised how i get annoyed at things i dont want to get annoyed at and then get annoyed at being annoyed... simple?!

for example.... i get annoyed about being single... which i dont really mind normally, being single is something that its better suiting to my life right now... but then because i dont really mind i get annoyed at the fact it seems to be a problem... then i get annoyed at people around me who remind me in some way i am single.... so i get annoyed for being annoyed at my friends for something they didnt mean to be annoying. so then i take it out on them (but they dont know) so then i get annoyed at reacting in such a silly way...

see the problem?!

How can i stop getting into this cycle?! it is annoying! i dont want to get annoyed by anything my friends do... maybe its something i need to be more open about... "when you say 'xyz' it makes me feel 'abc'"... it seems a shame that i need to ear mark areas i need my friends to think carefully about how they bring the subjects to me in conversations.... after all my friends are my friends i dont want them to think i dont want to upset her so i will keep something from her... but then shouldnt friends realise these are issues for me and help?!

agh.... this isnt as simple as i want it to be....

God help me please!!!

X

LISTENING TO- muse- knights of C

i only have one thing to say...

I

HATE

BEING

ILL....

x

Last night i grew up a little more....

Oh how i love music even more...

Those of you who know me in the real life.... i love my music, those of you who dont should have realised my love of MUSE is deep and how much i love to strut to camp music of MIKA at the moment is at a high... but last night... at last.... i fell in love with a much awaited new artist in my life... DUKE SPECIAL...

Oh how amazing was last night.... the gig was on a boat... which is an anamzing venue already... very small so a great chance to be up close with some very very VERY beautiful music... i have to thank em for her continueal non shutting up of just how good the duke is... for with out her i would never have found the awsomness of his voice and the shear wonder of his talent... (who just happens to be amazingly good looking too, oh and irish and so have a great accent too)

Last night i went having only heard a few songs an even fewer amount of times.... yet the whole gig had a welcoming atmosphere which ingulfed me into smiles and happiness...

i get laughed at how i managed to 'theologically' engage with almost anything i do... but all three of us left the bost in awe of just how God can move each of us without knowing the words... at one point all i could was pray and thank God for the closest i was encountering... that boat... those songs... the singer... them durms.... was a thin place.

So at the moment i am now looking for all the things i can get on line for my love to grow even longer....

x

LISTENING TO- duke special- last night i nearly died.

what does sorry mean?...

I have been thinking lately about how much i value someone saying sorry to me, and just how much i pin hope on getting a sorry without asking.

I have wondered what happens in thie process, what do i gain in hearing a five letter word?

I realised last night that when you say sorry you give whatever you took from the other person back... This isnt a physical stealing thing but a value base steal... it might be respect or authority.

But i have come to realise that when you say sorry, or when you hear it, you give or have given to you, part of your own worth. If a sorry is truely meant then the value placed on the person hearing is the value you took... their worth.

So when we need to hear the word sorry its the act of giving back that worth to the person. We need to hear sorry to know that the damage done can start to be fixed because YOU ARE WORTH BEING FIXED!

The pain of never hearing that word is all too close to home at times for me... how do we seek and get that worth when it isnt going to come from that tiny word sorry?

The answer is simple but hard to work out... God. If He gives us our true value, our true worth then we should seek our worth in Him... the answer becomes clearer when you look at what seeking for that sorry has done to people over time... you become bitter... if you never get that sorry, never getting that self worth then you become the very thing you didnt want to be.

We/I need to make sure this process doesnt happen, not just for my own sake but for the people who do show me my worth in other ways. If God loves me, and i know he does, then i need to be able to find the strenght and faith to let those sorrys i didnt get go. Or i will continue to become infected with bitterness...

My church is looking at love, this Sunday we re-learnt the value of love and how without it everything we do it is nothing... worthless... if i am to let go of the sorrys i didnt get then i need to act in love and not out of selfish need or desire... the bitterness still creeps back in if we have done it out of unhealthy motives....

x

LISTENING TO- 6 underground- sneaker pimps

I found a new theme tune for me!...

Well as a few posts ago a meantioned MIKA... today i got his album... and oh how i love it... camp beats rock!



But my new theme... that should be played everywhere i walk along with my inner monologue...

BIG GIRL YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL...

Never (since Queens big bottoms girls) has there been such a possitive song about the female figure... curves in all the right places... thats me for sure!



So if you see me stut down the street and a jolly kinda 'i feel like dancin' way... its probably cos i am listening to MIKA and even more likely is my 'fi-anthem' big girl...



love you all... just as you are... perfect



x



LISETENING TO- well dur... big girl by MIKA

i dont like it...

why is it that when we are at a low point it all seems to happen...
loneliness creeps in like a big black cloud that appears in a matter of miniutes.
It annoys me just how much thinking i can be consumed by when things get bad... i seem to OD on the fight i have in my head...
why do i continually seek for something i know i cant and shouldnt have right now?!

this isnt a blog to say poor me, im still single does anyone fancy me?!
this is a blog to point out the blueness in how annoying it is to feel like i want to make a plee... i dont want to, but i do... its like Paul in Romans (from the bible) talks about not wanting to sin but still going ahead and doing it...

I dont want a guy, i mean i do... one day.... but right now i cant have one... 1) cos there isnt anyone around to call my own and 2) i do not have the time or energy to have another being in my life and 3) and maybe this should be number one... my relationship with God should be first... how can i have another man in my life if he becomes a wall between me and my creator? the answer is simple and clear... no no NO!

God isnt a bog old guy on a cloud with a big stick pointing out my unhappiness and saying i wont ever be happy... i am in some ways and he will fulfil his promise to me one day... he is a loving father (amoung many other great things) who knows best for his daughter and knows just the right time place and guy for me... i know i have to trust him... and i DO... oh how i do!
but its just hard waiting... know what i mean?!

thanks for reading what seems like a moan now!

x

LISTENING TO- God put a smile upon you face by Coldplay (no really i am listening to this in a kinda ironic kinda way!)

Its simple but amazes me...

Today sees a new journey for the Church to whom i am a member of...

Today we 'inducted' our new paster Mr Gary Woodall...

And he is an amazing and blessed man, i knew him from when i was a child myself, and my parents knew him too. A Great visionary who looks like it bringing a new wave of excitement with him into the church, Nailsea Baptist.

During the service is was said more than a few times that as a church we need to be careful we dont just sit back and wait for God to do his thing in Gary, but that God was to do he thing with all of us, just at some points Gray will be the director under God's call.

The bit that amazes me just how much it is clear God is walking, living and breathing alongside us both indivudally and as a group, as a church, as a body of Christ.

We embark on a new part of our journey and it excited me just how i will be used... this i guess is a personal thing and almost selfish, but when i realised i was called to be a youth worker i knew that at times it would be acting alone when i asked God where he wants me. However, this new part isnt lonely... but i do need to be reminded to look around and see the faces of the warm and kind hearted people to whom i work for and with.

So thank you for all who made me so welcome at the start and continue to hold me so dearly!

The vision i hold at the moment is everyone in a long line doing the 'monkey' walk (when you start with the same foot while linking arms and step over the person's foot and so on, not that clearly explained). We walk together, united under God's diection... what a wonderful place to be!

x

LISTENING TO- Rob dougan- will you follow me?

my 50th post...

Well i know i can talk a lot at times, but it seems worht while to point out this IS my 50th post since starting this blog last year... hope there is another 50, i am enjoying this blogging reponsiblity!

This week as been high and low by exstream standard... i have SO much work to do and so much i was to void! College has been hard this week... i dont want to go into detail, but i think the journey is only half way though and so much more needs to be done, comunication is key.

Just a little plee... as some of you know i am trying to bring the entertainment progamme together for the week of camp i do at Hill House this summer... I dont want too much publicity for the theme but if any of you have things i can use comment or email me and we can talk in the real world about the theme ;)

ok i can svoid it any more... work is calling :(

x

LISTENING TO- what your soul sings by Massive Attack

Yay... new hair!....

Well for those who know me know i like to change my hair... a lot... and once again i have changed again.... and i am very pleased to annonce that my hair dress got it right... a great cut!

So now i have blonde bits now... which will become pink when the time is right!

I was walking down the the high street earlier and a woman stopped me to say my hair was great... how nice of her... thanks strange and random lady! a Confidence boast! (she must have realised i am ao vain i need to be told and confirmed!)

So here are the pics... not much make-up either!! :)

x

LISTENING TO- Radio one- probably keane by the sounds of it

Burns night...

In honour of my roots, and the fact Emma is holding what will be an amazing p.a.r.t.y at her tonight to celebrate where she has also come from i thought i would find and blog my own family clan's tartan...

I wrote this blog yesterday... but the picture would upload as i think the college doesnt let me!

however it means i can update with party happenings.... well i ate hagis, which isnt as bad as you think, but i will be leaving it to once a year to eating it! We had a very funny game of balderdash...many things can not be repeated aloud but still a very funny evening, which was topped off with em's friend pete having a tash drawn on him with a permement marker! (the cost was em having a very gross hagis 'kiss' -basically having her face covered in half chewed hagis licked on her cheaks! the minger)

x

LISTENING TO- em list her friends online and all their pictures

Just to let you know...

For those who havent noticed...

I have changed a few things on this blog's

I have give more sites a thought, and i will try to add more when i find them, of course if you have any suggestions please let me know!

I am still not sure what i aim is for this blog, while my other blog sites all have an aim, to either show stuff i have found and want to share or to inform what is happening in my youth work circles.

This blog is about me i guess, my thoughts and random thinking... simple when i put it like that... i think my tag line says it all... reflections anyone can join in with!

x

LISTENING TO- my class being theological

could this be the cutest puppy ever?...

Jen, my very good friend and her lovely guy Ash have a new addition to their family... Alfie... and here i am introducing him to the world via my lil blog... i know my last blog was a little heavy so i thought i would lighten the mood with a little dog!... job done!

X

LISTENING TO- The Beatles, Its all too much

I think i drowned this weekend...

So this could have been the heaviest weekend of my life so far...
and i have had a few heavy going times of my life...

I have been to a training weekend with the fabulous people of Hill House camps... and while i am still feeling worse for wear... fragile... and unsteady... i know i have been blessed...

An amzing lady and a wonerful friend Cat took the sessions to challenge each of us as leaders to make sure we are spiritually prepared for our roles on camp... we work with young people and their lives, if we arent looking after our own how can we start to interact with others? (another whole new blog topic there) So the theme was purity...

And OH has God gotten on to my case!

Now i need to evolve you knowing a lil bit more of me than i normally post... and some of this wont make sense as you will not have the whole picture but i want to pass on what i am going though and learning...

I have stuff up and gone wrong in my life in my past (havent we all?!) and i have still carried so much of that around with me as guilt, thinking that i need to hold on to the rubbish as part if my idenity... while i know this isnt how salvation in Jesus works... sometimes it takes a little while for us to tag on.

Over the course of the past 7 days i have been placed in many situations to talk to many people about very personal stuff both happening in my life and in my head... It would seem that God needs to send me massive great big helping hints in my walk with him in my life...

Last weekend was the end (or another start) to healing from a certain situation i have been wounded from for a long time now. Its is wonerfully scary just how God links up and makes sure that everything is in the right place for just the right time. Part of my healing required me to stop or move on from a friendship... i had not spoken to this friend for well over 2 years, but we have gotten in contact for about a week, just before i went away to Hill House... this reuniting was a lil scary and i wasnt too sure what was going to come of it... but that i didnt want it to ruin or get in the way of my relationship with God...

Anyway... as the weekend plodded along it become clear i needed to ensure my friends were healthy for me (and the other person)... Temptation is a huge thing for everyone... many give in and many stay strong... i know my weaknesses and with that knowledge i have to have the responsiblity to make sure i dont set myself traps to fall in let alone the traps that already before me in my life...

So with a 45 min conversation on a very cold night outside in a car park... one of the most blessed times happened when saying goodbye... God is revealed in the most strange of places, but God was most definitly in my tears and in the voice i was talking to...

The real point i knew just how much this time was a point of no return, was the point God had revealed to the person i was talking to something i had never shared with anyone else... the impact of actions done on how i reaction now... no one knew this secret of my heart... my fears and yet here was healing being brought in the most unexpected and almost simple way.

I know this isnt make much sense to anyone... even the ones who know the whole story! But what i really wanted to say is just how much God blessed me.... i am still very fragile... but i have learnt so much... putting this into action will be hard... but God is most definitly holding my hand and walking the path with me.

While i didnt drown in my tears.. it still will feel like this for a little longer... God grants healing and learning like a true Father.

May we all learn to lean a little more, hold on a little more and wait even longer... being happy to do so.

This week i have been mostly...

Ok... anyone who knows me knows how i like me music...

This week i am mostly being camp...

I have been listening to a new guy to the main stream of music in the UK... MIKA http://www.mikasounds.com/

And i have to say i am impressed, so much in fact i cant help but sing along and make oooo faces at the right moment...

and i think you might agree... quite an attractive bloke!

This week i have also mostly being sitting and looking at my computer screen telling myself to work and doing none...

This week i have also mostly been wishing i was on a warm beach

This week i have also mostly been talking to an old friend

x

LISTENING TO- MIKA- grace kelly

Ok it took me a long time...

It was Phil's Birthday celibrations a few weeks back (well before Christmas in fact)... and we had this picture taken... however i failed to scan it and send it to the wonderful people feactured in it... so here it is for the world to look... cut/copy and paste to your hearts content!!

I am loving the fact the amzing person who took the picture managed to getthe flash in the in mirror!! Such tallent!

X

LISTENING TO- Muse- K of C

Welcome 2007

So another year is upon us...

And i think i saw it in looking quite good!

Ok this blog isnt going to be too deep is it?!

I joined Holly and Matt and their friends to see the new year begin, we have a great time, very funny night in fact! Fun fun fun with games!

x

LISTENING TO- Radio one waffle